ON THE RADIO
ON THE RADIO
My latest Refuge Worldwide radio show is released. Im proud of it. The mix of dance music with broadcasting meditation. My returning practise of, Breath / Body / Mind / Surroundings. To keep alined, to understand where we are standing in this burning world. My body is soar and aches from taking part of the extreme drag wrestling show Choke Hole. I was the ring girl, In my half time number I excitedly jumped on the springed ropes and get thrown out the ring. Knocking some poor audience member to the floor as my legs swing rapidly towards their face. Every time im given that stage Im aiming for higher more, more. Ever since The Bumholes the joy of stage is hard to compare. The thrill of singing your own songs with live music. So now when I lip-syncing I need more. I need dialogue to learn, I need tricks, stunts or I push my self to to feel that joy and injure my body and possibly the audience. Im in a process of changing. Re-alining my outputs. With no money in the bank. A aching ageing body. Its changing from those late night spurts of excitement. From the magic of chance into something planed and rehearsed. I always feared the over rehearsed show. From watching burlesque girls tirelessly repeat their acts. I love the sponaity of drag. The reaction game with the audience. The magic of what arise in the moment. Which I will never leave behind. I love it more then ever on the radio. But if im gonna be here writing for much longer I need to know I have something for my future self. It probably won't be money. But some music that Ive written, a play I've rehearsed, a show I can run.
I written my solo show in sorts, lyrics and groovebox. Im excited to develop it. It received good attention when showing it last month. I will re-write, re-show and rehearse it so it can be shown over and over. Ive already started dreaming of moving onto the next story line. But I see that this is where I lay now. In writing, creating and directing. Our attempts of making a living of club culture have failed. Im no longer booked consecutively as a DJ. The cabaret club night TREASON me and Nancy created lost us money. Its a story Ive know well but do keep forgetting. I need to create my own stages in my own way. For as soon as I try fit me into someone else's its not understood or I injure myself trying to be understood. I must return to the Breath / Body / Mind & understand the surroundings Im in. Where im position in the situation what ive got to give and to what expense. I forget easily so its a honour to hear what im proud of back to me from the radio. Have a listen!
Written Saturday 7th March 2026 - BERLIN
